Relationships Are Relational

As we slide into the holiday season, we can all anticipate engagement in festivities that invite (demand?) social interaction. I have been commenting lately on the importance of cultivating relationships; the many dates circled on my December calendar prompt a final reflection. Relationships are relational. They are defined by the social/emotional energy that charges the space between the people involved.

For example, how I relate to a beloved octogenarian who once mentored me is going to be different than how I interact with a young colleague whom I recently mentored. I want to be mindful about how I chat with people from different cultural backgrounds than my own. (Especially during the holidays, which can leave many people feeling outside an invisible circle.) Even how I greet people is relational. I’m a hugger, and it requires forethought to correctly express delight at seeing someone without violating their personal space.

Proactively considering relational differences requires both empathy and intent. When I encounter someone, I need to think about the relationship I want to have, and act with intent to advance that. Here’s what that looks like: if it’s a professional connection you want to grow, think about how you can advance their project or career. If it’s a personal relationship, reflect on what you know about them and offer encouragement, interest, or a listening ear. Be useful. Be positive. Be who the other person needs you to be in the moment.

 If you are looking forward to (or dreading) an upcoming social situation, consider this as your modus operandi; resolve to leave everyone you talk to feeling a bit better. Make your remarks honest and specific. Invite them to talk about their grandchild or favorite sports team. Ask their advice on something they’re especially interested in. Discuss mutual friends or affinities. Admire their choice of adult beverage. Be a pleasant listener.

When people feel better about themselves because of their relationship with you, they will bring greater generosity to their relationship with others. The space between us gets warmer and the static is diminished. It’s a gift you can afford to give the world. It’s the source of holiday magic.

Happy holidays!

Coming up—a series about what it means to serve on a Board of Directors, and why relationships are key to value creation. Stay tuned.