It’s okay to feel good when things are bad

Has this happened to you? You’re at a funeral home and family and friends begin telling favorite stories about the deceased. The next thing you know, you’re laughing. And then you feel guilty, because people are in mourning.

The Coronavirus is generating a lot of sadness. The pain is real. So is it okay to feel good again? When? Is there a period of mourning we have to respect? And if we find a way to feel better when others are still suffering, is this tantamount to Schadenfreude — seeking joy in other’s suffering?

No. It means we are humans coping with a human situation.

Seeking happiness — even as temporary coping strategy — must be encouraged and even shared. Especially during bad times. In fact, it’s almost a civic duty.

That doesn’t mean we aren’t empathetic to people who are in a bad place. It just means we are wired to pursue happiness. It doesn’t have to be at someone else’s expense. On the contrary, our moments of joy or humor may help lighten someone else’s day.  (John Cleese is pretty brilliant when he talks about the importance of humor and the need to distinguish  between being “serious” and being “somber. ”)

Psychiatrists talk about working through the stages of grief and there is a similar process for people dealing with trauma. The thing is, even though the pandemic is a shared experience, it is more traumatic for some than for others. And we’re not all in the same  emotional stage of dealing with it. In fact, speaking personally, I sometimes experience a daily sine wave of emotions, ranging from depression to feeling blessed, depending on whether I’m listening to the news or playing with my dogs.

Perhaps the best we can do is just be authentic and deal with our emotions as they arise. Be empathetic, but be authentic. Don’t maintain a gloomy state – or be the Debbie Downer of social media – out of a false sense of shouldering the burden of sorrow. We all need to do what we can to cheer ourselves up and help each other move on to a better part of the healing cycle. And we all know that we can function more effectively when we feel good than when we are locked in the cycle of anxiety, sorrow and helplessness.

During the darkest days of the Blitz in WWII England, the most popular radio show was a comedy called  It’s That Man Again. It was actually credited with helping boost national morale.  Things that make us happy are especially therapeutic in anxious times. I hope you have a coping strategy that works for you — whether it’s old TV shows, videos of your grandchildren, or just watching the sunset. Seek moments that make you happy.

I have to go play with my dogs now.

Rebooting the human experience

As with many people, I’ve found myself  wondering, when we come out on the other side of this pandemic, what will the new normal look like? Too much hardship and heartache has been released into the world to be a Pollyanna about this. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t look for good wherever we can find it. And here’s what I’m seeing — there’s a humanizing influence that the shared hardship is having on people who never took time to realize how fortunate they are. And how connected we are.

Empathy is up.

Our news feeds are becoming more flooded with stories of people just stepping it up and trying to help where they can. We’re counting our blessings and learning and practicing empathy. I see and hear about people offering to help strangers distribute food, make masks for healthcare workers, stream free educational programs for all ages, and the list goes on.

Our connectivity bonds.

My friends and colleagues continue to express genuine concern for our company, our industry, and the economy. From this, I realized that I am craving those connections, and I am grateful to receive a virtual version of that online through those who respond to my blog, send me notes, and ask how I am doing. Six weeks ago, I took for granted that I could see people whenever I wanted to; now I’m really looking forward to making the next industry event a special occasion — a reunion celebration, if you will.

Air pollution is down.

In China, experts estimate that emissions over the past month have been about 25% lower than normal. Similar things are happening in Italy. Possibly in the U.S. Yes, we could offset this by other homebound carbon-consumption behavior. And while the idled factories and cars will no doubt return to their carbon-emitting ways, it’s also possible that some good habits could become permanent. After enjoying a few smog-free days, people might feel motivated to collaborate on sustainable solutions. Those who started using bicycles instead of Ubers or cabs for social distancing could stick with the habit. Harried office workers who are now telecommuting might discover the joy of just going for a walk at lunch, maybe even make it part of their routine. Companies realizing that not every business meeting has to happen face-to-face  could be more lenient about work-at-home situations and teleconferencing.

Healthful habits are up.

Every flu season we are reminded by medical professionals to wash our hands scrupulously. We’ve never taken it seriously — until now. If we have finally developed a lifetime habit of hand washing — and are raising a new generation for whom this is standard operating procedure — think of how many flu bugs and cold viruses will be thwarted going forward.

In the “old normal,” most people I talked to were feeling sleep deprived. Operating without sleep is dangerous, and there  are so many studies linking sleep deprivation to impaired learning and memory. Today, while our work life is shifted to work-at-home life, it’s a chance to reboot our weary brains. This means we can be more intentional about how we use our brains in the new normal. People whose calendars are usually filled with work, travel, school functions, and general socializing are finding time learn something new, play games with their kids, practice a musical instrument, rediscover abandoned hobbies, write actual snail-mail, and even re-read a favorite novel.

The pandemic is awful. The new normal doesn’t have to be.

~bph

The next priority — caring for our heads and hearts

I’ve turned the corner on worrying about the physical health of my family, friends, and employees and am now worrying about everyone’s psychological well-being. We are all feeling the stress of living in this strange new world where it seems all the “givens” — job security, school, a strong economy, food, televised sports, entertainment options, and ready access to personal hygiene products — have been taken away. People without families are now literally isolated.

The breadth and depth of the pandemic’s impact is unprecedented in my time on the planet, and I suspect that goes for most of us.  And because it has provoked governments worldwide to take draconian actions —  at the federal, state and local levels —  the economic impact has brought our industries and our businesses to their knees. People are waking up to find themselves without employment. To exacerbate the sense of helplessness, when these over-stressed people stop at the store to pick up some basics, it seems the marauding hoards have already cleared the aisles. Ironically, people living paycheck-to-paycheck-to-no-paycheck can’t afford to hoard. So yes, once again, the people hit hardest are those already living closest to the poverty line. This makes me both sad and angry.

People who know me know I always lean into Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to explain questionable behavior. And what I’m seeing is entitled people who are used to living near the top of the pyramid (with plenty of self-esteem and a strong sense of belonging) — suddenly experiencing a disruption in their basic supplies and going into freefall, straight to the bottom of the pyramid. And it was already pretty crowded there. As I’ve said before, desperate people do desperate things.

Some people have argued that our collective governments have over-reacted and forced unnecessary economic hardship. I won’t go there — historians can sort that out some day. I do think, as leaders of countries, states, industries and businesses, we need to think hard and act quickly to collectively mitigate the mental stress and helplessness people are feeling. Here are some top-of-mind thoughts:

• Employee Assistance Programs — Our company, Freeman, has a program in place to help people dealing with anxiety and depression, as do many other organizations. We need to encourage people to seek help wherever it’s offered.
• Faith-based support groups — Many places of worship have switched to online services, but also have support available that offers hope and reassurance — one-on-one counseling in person or by phone. They also offer pantry kitchens and emergency shelter. See what’s available in your area; if you don’t need help, you may be able to point someone else there.
• Community outreach — Many communities are responding to COVID-19 by using social media to organize ad hoc help; local news sources are also helping to promote these.
• Start something — If you are healthy and running to the store, reach out to elderly neighbors and loved ones. Organize a “shop early” program to buy gift cards today from small businesses who are really hurting and may not make it to the holidays. Offer to shelter a displaced college student who has no place to go because their school closed and they have no home to return to.  Post words of encouragement to healthcare workers – online or on posters or wherever you can — thanking them for their superhuman efforts.
• Be kind — Everyone has a bad day now and again, and you could be the person who turns it around for someone else. Make kindness contagious.

Let me leave you with two simple examples of people making a bad situation better.

Some people in my own company are working harder than ever — tirelessly over long hours for a lot less money than they earned last week. Believe me, I’ve noticed and I won’t forget. Because they’re not doing it for personal reward. They are working harder because they believe their added effort can help turn things around and make it possible to hire back more of their colleagues and help our clients do the same at their respective organizations. They understand their role in getting the economic train back on track.

I also saw on a news outlet that, in parts of Italy, quarantined citizens are leaning out of windows to join together in song. Not to hurl insults. Not to complain. To sing.

That’s the human spirit we need to tap into. That’s how we beat this thing.

-bph

Moving Forward Through the Coronavirus Outbreak 

To say the effects of the Coronavirus outbreak are evolving rapidly would be an understatement. In the last week alone, our reality has shifted frequently and dramatically as we’ve dealt with the pandemic response of global institutions and governments. We now find ourselves caught up in a world event that has brought travel, business, and global commerce to a halt like few times in our history.

When I last wrote on this topic, just over a week ago, I shared my hope that the events industry would reach a tipping point – one that would knock down some of our old business models and give way to a new way of doing things. It seemed obvious — and has for a while — that our industry needs a hybrid solution to augment and expand live experience with virtual engagement. It’s a matter of being more agile in how we anticipate and solve for our clients’ needs.

That shift is happening faster than I could have imagined. We have seen suspensions of major cruise lines, theme parks, sports leagues, hotels, casino and convention centers and an abrupt cancellation of virtually all in-person events and gatherings. In the context of this new normal, it is now more important than ever to find creative solutions as people and businesses everywhere navigate the near-term reality of remote operating.

For Freeman, this means finding ways — virtual or otherwise — to support our clients, while continuing to meet their demand for unique and impactful live event experiences. Whether these events take place digitally or in-person, we are committed to designing meaningful ways to keep people connected — now and in the future. As we shift our focus to strategy, creative, digital events, live steaming, and long-term in-person event planning, we have made the difficult but necessary decision to scale back some of our business operations supporting in-person events. Our hope and our plan is that this a short-term action that will be reversed when the market recovers. We announced this decision yesterday in an effort to preserve our business so that we can continue to serve our valued clients for generations to come and protect our most important asset — our people. As we adapt to these new and unfolding challenges, we recognize that we are hardly alone, and that the current environment has forced changes big and small for nearly everyone, from the way we go about our daily routines to the way we operate our businesses.

Rather than dwell on the difficulties of this situation, I remain steadfast in my belief that as a people, as a company, and as an industry, we will come out on the other side better and stronger for it. There’s no getting around the hard facts and devastating impacts of this global tragedy, and so I continue to ask myself, what next?

The one thing that’s clear is that there’s no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring. But as we move forward, Freeman is here for our community, as we always have been and always will be. We are in open dialog with industry leaders, clients and valued partners. We are working to access the situation, consider possible outcomes, and collaborate on recovery scenarios.  Now is the time to push innovation and creative problem-solving, and we are committed to sharing those solutions with as many people as possible.

As always, it is in coming together and communicating openly that we will get through this.

Still have questions?

Visit our Coronavirus resource page for more information. 

A continuation of the Coronavirus discussion

I’ve been closely following the important discussions relating to the Coronavirus and its implications on those of us in the meetings, exhibitions and events industry. This includes not just show organizers, corporations, show exhibitors, and suppliers, but also travel and hospitality industries. And each has a unique perspective. The big question for organizers and exhibitors is, “should we cancel, or should we carry on with a cautionary plan?” The health of our communities — their physical well-being as well as their economic vigor — is at risk in any decision, whether it’s to proceed or to cancel.

To do what’s right by our employees, clients, suppliers, event participants and others, we have to understand the risks involved in whatever decision we make. We must ask ourselves tough questions that provide the necessary information to make thoughtful, informed decisions. These can include (but are certainly not limited to):

• Is the event planned in a location where COVID-19 is active or at risk?
• Can the event be relocated?
• Is the volume of attendance, the nature of the interactions, or the international-travel mix a consideration?
• Can or should the event be re-thought as a virtual experience?
• Is the event critical to the marketing plans of small businesses that rely on the show for the health of their companies?
• How might we best serve each of our constituencies and our communities?

A number of organizations have made the tough decision to cancel their events rather than risk spreading the Coronavirus. Likewise, some organizations have determined that their event is at low-risk for spreading the virus and that cancelling could cause considerable harm. I’m certain that no matter what decision is made, it comes after thoughtful assessment and thorough conversation.

It’s worth noting that the livelihoods of many tangential employees are at risk — those in hospitality, travel, catering, and the long-tail services of the events and conventions industry. It’s been estimated by the Meetings Mean Business Coalition (MMBC) that meetings and events contribute to 1.1 million jobs in the United States alone. How do our decisions affect their well-being?

At Freeman, we are working closely with our clients and other industry experts to help them evaluate the merits of hosting or cancelling an event given the information at hand. We have equipped our people with best practices to keep participants and events safe and shared this with our clients. And we are hosting a virtual dialogue on March 5th, 2020, with a panel of industry experts including representatives from the U.S. Travel Association to discuss best practices for business continuity. We will consider various scenarios to determine if an organization’s event is impacted — as well as what factors their leadership should evaluate when accessing those risks. We encourage you to register here.

It’s time for a healthy conversation.

The advice I needed when I was 30.

About ten years ago, I gave a bit of unsolicited advice to a college student with dreams of achieving  some pretty big goals by the ripe old age of 30. I took him seriously enough to suggest a plan of action and, a bit reluctantly, he acted on it. Recently, I received a gracious thank-you note from that same man, who is now realizing his lofty dreams. I responded with a second piece of advice that will hopefully be easier for him to follow: “Ask yourself, what kind of leader do I want to be? What’s my brand as a leader? Whatever that is, be authentic.”

When I was a young man, I really wanted people to take me seriously. I wanted to project a no-nonsense image. So, I ordered some very serious letterhead on bond paper with embossed lettering and a serif font and the whole deal. I used emphatic exclamation points in my letters. Of course, the image I was trying to project wasn’t who I really was — a regular laid-back guy who preferred casual clothes, enjoyed a good time, and had a solid midwestern work ethic.  Any leadership skills I possessed had much more to do with an innate sense of empathy than any Machiavellian business school tactics. I wish someone had given me the advice back then that I recently shared with my 30-year-old friend and rising business leader — just be yourself. People respect authenticity.

Here’s something else I shared with him. Humility goes hand-in-hand with authenticity, and the flip-side of humility is vulnerability. Leaders don’t pretend to be something they’re not.  They understand that they don’t have all the answers, aren’t always the smartest one in the room, and that they need help from others. They welcome input. They acknowledge their own mistakes and shortcomings. They keep trying to be better people and more effective leaders.

Today, my personal “note paper” consists of colorful, oversized postcards with big, friendly type. (It’s not ComicSans, but it’s pretty casual.) It’s my hope that when I meet people for the first time, the “real me” matches whatever correspondence or social media we’ve used to connect. Every day, I try to put my energy into being a good leader, not just looking like one. And while I admire and even emulate many wonderful people, I try to stay true to that guy in the mirror — flawed, perhaps, but authentic. That’s the only kind of branding a leader needs.

When you hire the wrong person, own it

I’ve been in business long enough that I have been somebody’s boss, manager, or supervisor for many years. I’ve pretty much enjoyed every assignment I’ve had, but there is one thing I’ve never found easy — firing someone I was responsible for hiring. Especially at an executive level. Let’s face it, this should never be pleasant or even comfortable. But I have learned that there is one thing we should never do — even if it makes it easier on ourselves — and that’s vilifying the person being let go.

I am ashamed to admit that I used to do that. Many people still do. And looking back, the psychology behind this behavior is easy to understand. It’s all about cognitive dissonance. If I hired someone because I thought they were wonderful, capable, and a good cultural fit, and then they didn’t work out, it must be because they either deceived me, took on a radical personality change, or are sociopaths. The thinking is, “I’m a good person and a good manager, so it must be their fault!”

This is not only unfair to the other person, but potentially damaging to your business, because you have failed to identify a problem that needs an effective solution. After all, when you hire someone, it’s because you need a specific job handled. If it’s not being handled, you need to understand why. The best way to approach this is through a debriefing process. Is the individual simply a poor fit with an otherwise effective team? Has the organization or the assignment shifted in a way that requires different skills than that person brings to the party? Did you have unrealistic expectations, hoping that because you admired that person, they would somehow grow into the assignment, or that the assignment itself would evolve? In most cases, you simply hired the wrong person for the job that needs doing right now, and you need to own it. You need to be vulnerable, admit that you tried something that didn’t work, and make the decision to correct the situation. Ultimately, that’s the only fair thing to do for the person separating from the company, and for the company itself. Own the mistake and move on.

There’s another benefit here, too. When people see that you are willing to own your mistakes, they are more willing to tell you the truth, even if it means calling you out on a bad decision. Leaders need their people to tell them when something isn’t working. Sometimes, you may need to debrief with specific members of a team to make sure you don’t repeat the mistake, or try to “solve” the wrong problem. If people trust you, they can help correct or validate your assessment so that you can move forward. With compassion and honesty, the person separating from the company can too.

Why just consume, when you can also create?

One of my favorite things about the annual Maker Faire is not just the scale and scope of the inventions — which are awesome — but how it never fails to inspire me to make something myself. It’s my belief that we all have an inborn urge to create, but it’s become so much easier to just consume that we’ve shut off that part of our soul. It’s as if the process of curating ideas, or aggregating art, or sampling and sharing scientific innovation is as powerful as making something from scratch. But they are different things entirely — and it has everything to do with what you get out of the process.

If I want a fine work of art to display in my home, I’ll visit some art galleries and purchase a piece by a true artist. But if I want the satisfaction of playing with color and form and fabric, if I want to experience and learn from the creative process, I need to jump in without worrying about whether the results will be “good.”  If you want to provide secure shelter for your family, you’ll buy a house from a trusted builder. If I want the adventure of creating something with your kids that they’ll play in for hours on end, you’ll build a treehouse.

The thrill of making something isn’t reserved for artists or engineers or architects. You can bake a cake. Plant a vegetable garden and share your goods with the local food bank. Make up a story for a grandchild. Write a haiku. Join a garage band and make music. Organize a reading club and build a basis for fellowship. Build a team where none existed before.

If we are very lucky, we’ll make something that can be shared and that matters to other human beings. But I suspect that most things get made because their creators gave in to the urge to just do it. The reward is the journey of creation, how it makes us feel when we explore this part of our brain and express a secret corner of our soul.

Making things makes us better people.